THE VOICES. THEY’RE BACK.
I have two things I would like to implore your little minds to think about today. Actually, this entire blog is about me, like always…. so let’s just get to that.
I hate to say it. Oh, I would rather die than say it. But I can hold it back no longer. I guess I have to admit that it’s true that everyone their senior year of high school experiences senioritis. Throughout all my years in high school, I vowed to myself that I would always do all my work to the best of my ability and never slack. But it seems this final month has just took all of that passion and motivation, and smashed it into nothing. I have been going out, instead of just staying in and reading pages of school related curriculum.
This has been a blessing and a curse. I mean I still get everything done. It just has been being pushed back and considered not as important in my little head. Sometimes I have to stay up late to get things done that should have been completed with progression and that I should have allotted more time for. This change to me is probably very hazardous to my future, but I can only hope it’s just my body and brain telling me that I need summer to begin and that I have been working way too long.
However, it has also been really good for me to realize that I can have the same results and still get good grades, but not put so much effort or stress into everything. I can put my life first and think about the things that affect my life, not just my education and what letter a teacher is going to put on a paper (BUT I STILL WOULD LIKE AN “A”. AN “A”. NOT AN “A-“). All of this will help in college when I have more work, so I won’t have a melt down and I might enjoy this new beginning in my life that is coming up… ( This being said, I’m not going to mention anything about what is happening May 22.)
In other news, I also wanted to mention how much I have been wanting to go to an amusement park lately or travel somewhere. I don’t travel much and the only amusement park close is Silver Dollar City in Branson, which gets old after a while. It seems like forever since I have rode a full fledge roller coaster and went upside down, twisting all around throughout the sky. You just can’t replace that unworldly feeling you get on those types of ride.
The funny thing is that I used to hate amusement parks. I didn’t like to walk. I hated being outside. And I always had this image of myself flying off a roller coaster or just simply puking all over the person in front of me. It’s weird how you can associate such fun places with horrible things that make you want to curl up in a ball and cry. But after a while and a few dares from my insane friends, my fears eventually faded.
So I guess in all of these cluttered thoughts and wordy words I have learned two major things: Laziness is okay once in a while, and time makes things better.
Scratch that. Flying through the air at a bazillion miles an hour makes things better.
I am progressing. This is the singular thought that has been engraved in my mind, which remains stagnant as I travel anywhere in the city. No longer do I look simply at the people, the places, or the normalities of the world. I feel as if there is something new to this life we live that should be noticed or at least spoken about in some form.
Though this may seem like nonsense and ramblings, I feel I am on the verge of something greater than myself and that I have to take time to explore the world around me, do something different that I normally wouldn’t. I have to start pondering why I am getting involved in certain things in my life now. It’s not just about success or obtaining certain monumental goals, because once this year is over my goal hurdling toward me in a matter of months is done. I have “plans” for the oncoming future, but I have no special light in the horizon that guides me and brings me forward. College is just another school, where I’ll probably experience fifty panic attacks and try to tame by obsessive compulsive disorder by crying every couple of months from the endless flow of mind-crippling knowledge (?), but when its over, where will I be? More importantly, who will I be?
It always makes me wonder if college will change me. If people will get to me and if I will become another person. One that lives through the daily routines of life, goes to work each day, comes home, and spends time with their family. A monotonous life, where people can’t seem to maneuverer their way out of the shell their trapped in and sometimes they don’t even want to. I’m fearful of this happening to me. It’s not that it’s a bad life because I know what it feels like right now. I’m a part of the cycle as we speak. I just don’t know if it’s for me and if I like what it does to people.
But the problem comes when you think about the changes that are undeniably part of our lives. This dramatic shift of personality that may occur in the next three to four years, may make me think totally different. It may make my current convictions die before my very eyes and the ashes could never be resurrected. In all actuality, I can’t say what’s going to happen now. It’s impossible to glue together the pieces of my life when I have no idea where they fit or if they should even be placed at all.
I just want to believe that I won’t lose what I have now. That the ideas bubbling in the caldron of my brain will stay the same and that I won’t be questioning things. It bothers me when people say I’ll go through this elaborate metamorphosis and think differently when I’m 40, 50, or even 90…. I want to deem them liars, tell them they have no conception of how I feel or what I want in life. But the truth is… I’m bewildered, I’m confused, and I’m afraid to admit they might be right.
For the first time in literally months, I was able to sleep until noon. For many teenagers, sleeping is a common occurrence that happens at least every weekend and sometimes more when they forget to come to class or oversleep. I have never been late to school a day in my life, though sometime I walk in when the first bell rings.. The reason for my lack of sleep seems to be vast amounts of assignments that are always plaguing me through the night. Usually, on the weekend I can’t sleep if I have anything I have to on my schedule the next day. I wake up at 5 am, no alarm, and if I do try to sleep past that time usually it’s only thirty minutes max.
But I don’t want to make this post all about my lack of sleep. Heaven knows I complain about being tired daily, since my friend Jamie has taught me that sleep is useless and it’s better to waste away the hours of night with homework or Facebook. Instead, I want to focus on break, so everyone can pity me for not having anywhere to go. Yes, it’s that time where Paulina’s decision to not go on any trips during break back fires and she’s sitting at home with two English projects weighing on her back. Half of my friends are in Florida and half of them are in Hawaii. People are traveling like crazy, so they don’t have to waste away their vacation at home, watching movies on the couch.
I’m trying my best to figure out things besides work to fill the hours, but I’m that type of person who has to have others control my plans or I will make none. I typically steer away from making plans that fill up schedule because then I feel stressed or can’t commit to them all. But since my friends are all gone, no one can tell me what to do or invite me to do something. The only people I have left are April and London (the classiest kids of Hillcrest), and those kids are too cool for me… So I guess I will be spending quality time with my parents. I’m an only child, so they love me more than life itself.
All of the other children in HTV will be posting about their great adventures in the sweltering sun on their blogs, but my advice to you is to not buy into their shenanigans. They are not having as much fun as it seems; it’s all a ploy. You won’t hear about the sunburns, the villagers that take them captive in Hawaii, or the shark-infested waters. But that’s okay. That’s what I’m here to remind them of :)
This weekend I had the pleasure of waking up at 6 am and heading to Missouri State University where I was able to compete in four Science Olympiad competitions. Though this seems like a boring blog post, which it probably will be, I was hoping to go over my little science journey with everyone.
Science Olympiad has usually been regarded as a club for people who just need a science activity to get their seals of excellence in science. That’s the reason I joined in Freshmen Year and my plan was after I was through to quit. But after the first feeling of even placing in the top 5, it makes you proud to compete against twenty or so other teams and actually get a high rank. I never really have been terribly great at science because hey let’s face it, I’m good at everything, so how can you be great at something when everything is on a equal playing field?
Anyway, this year’s Science Olympiad has been the most stressful, but also made me the most dedicated to the program. I may have not shown up to every meeting, but we devoted an entire Independent Study to the cause and worked to sort things out each week. We came together and planned an entire Pancake Breakfast just to get members, which was paid for with money out of our own pockets. Then we spent time getting field guides, building towers (we named our tower Bridge) a zillion times, making study guides for certain events, and prepping for a Robot Arm. We even made a mascot: A scientific goat!
Then we had to go through the process of realizing some projects couldn’t be completed in time and it’s a sad thing when you know your team member spent weeks making something and then we can’t use it because we didn’t have enough time to prepare other parts of the project. My friend Jamie actually made an entire ukelele and xylophone, but since we couldn’t find someone in time to play them, we either have to give them up for someone else to use them or just simply keep them for another time.
Through all that stress, I still have to admit that Science Olympiad will always be apart of my fondest memories. Every test, we partner up, and there have been plenty of times where we have had a few laughs over questions we have had no clue on how to answer. On top of that, I got fifth place in Anatomy and Physiology. That may not be the best ranking, but if you would have seen the test you would of understood….
My other friends London and Shelby received first place in Rocks and Minerals and third place in Forestry, which I believe are our highest rank in the categories in quite some time. So despite the hard work and stress that went along with preparing for the big day, we are extremely proud of our achievements this year. Science may not be for everyone (unless your dissecting cats, which everyone loves), but it still taught me that handwork pays off in the long run and you can have a little fun with science every once in a while. Especially when it involves making pancakes, singing in sub-zero temperatures, and NOT doing homework :)
P.S. I am going to VidCon this summer in California and that involves videos, so I can post it on my HTV Blog! I will see that individual in the video above live and in-person!
Throughout my life, I have always wished that I was more of a creative person than someone who just wrote too much or excelled academics, which are both usually considered very left brained activities. When I do some type of project I usually focus on making it more professional than artsy and then when the finished product is created it doesn’t stand out or make anyone say “wow”, its just nice and deserving of an A.
Still, this really bothers me. I wish I had more of an eye for structure and placing items in the correct place, where they balanced perfectly and then added dabs of color, design, and drawings that were uniquely my own. Instead, any art piece that I get my hands on looks more like an overachieving third-grader got their hands on a poster or piece of paper. There are too many words and not enough pictures. And there is usually no color-scheme or theme to tie together all of my average looking drawings.
It’s not that I don’t try to make something beautiful or develop my creative side. I love to make jewelry and accessory pieces, and I always seek to do something new that is outside my usual niche. Yet, each crafty item I make or any picture I try to remaster with a computer program still just doesn’t meet the mark or look like someone with real talent put it together. Something sewn falls apart or a bead glued is just not in the right place or off center. And don’t even get me started with tape. If I tape anything, the whole dispenser gets destroyed when I throw it at the wall in frustration. In many ways, tape is like that annoying brother or sister I never had or a child that holds on to your leg. As it bonds to your flesh, you can help but wonder if you should pawn it off on that unsuspecting neighbor or friend…
I suppose this is a downfall we all have to face. The fact that we will always have a flaw and someone will excel in something that we are atrocious at. It makes us all diverse in our own ways. I just wish that it didn’t make me feel so lackluster. When you work so hard at something and then another person can put their creation together effortlessly, your self-confidence slowly diminishes. You wonder why can’t I just be that gifted child? Why was I born in a family with bad genes? At that point you wonder if you should hop on your bike and find a nice Russian family who might take you in and train you to become a world famous gymnast. But, sigh, it will never happen…
The only possible way to combat this low self-esteem is to put your all into your own skill and talent. Either that or try to develop the next Windows program software, where it doesn’t matter if your artistic or not. I guess what I am trying to say is…. As I embark on my new journey through real life, I hope to polish my own capabilities. Use my own abilities to build my success and not worry about other people. I mean it’s better to not waste a perfectly good life by sulking on things that I cannot control.
Or I could just sulk….. I like sulking actually. So disregard this whole post.
I plan on writing a blog this weekend since I hate long absences from tumblr. I am so sorry for leaving my blog empty and listless. I have been just so distracted by constant reviews for tests, studying, projects, scholarships, essays, and college applications. All these things mean a lot to me and I am trying to put my entire soul into completing them. I have never been so sleep deprived in my life and it’s sad really. For the first time, in ten years I pulled an all-nighter. The bonus was that it was on a Sunday during break and I was working on a project from 6pm to 9am. I have this problem where I can’t live my life or rest until everything is done and complete. I’m always seeking more work and my body is feeling the consequences this week. I am also writing a Spotlight tomorrow the Hillcresthornets.org website, which everyone should read! Let’s just hope I don’t collapse. Unlike most people who claim to be tired, I haven’t missed a day of school… That makes me superior.
Anyway, I wanted to put down a few inspirational quotes to get my HTV readers ready for greatness.
“Here is the deepest secret nobody knows.
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
Which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide.
And this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart.
I carry your heart.
I carry it in my heart.” -E.E. Cummings
“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.” -Lemony Snicket
“I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. He taught me that if you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be.” -Roald Dahl
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” -Ernest Hemingway
“I am a real ham. I love an audience. I work better with an audience. I am dead, in fact, without one. ” -Lucille Ball
EDIT: Due to unfortunate circumstances, I was sick Friday, missed school, could not write a blog this weekend, or do a Spotlight. This blog is the epitome of fails :(
When I look on my list of things I dislike that most people do, it’s no surprise that its long. Not because I hate people, or because I am a pessimistic person (even though I am), but because I am crazy and I write lists like I write novels. Anyway(s)* to get to my point, I would like to describe something that appalls me more than anything in the world. The one thing that people do that is unexplainable and simply pointless, but they do it anyway because they think its nice (nice guys finish last and mean girls rule the world, muhahaha). This thing is called a hug, and it is the most grotesque thing I’ve seen come to planet Earth, since Disney Channel.
I wish people would stop hugging!!!!
It’s not that a hug is gross to look at, but its gross to think about in my point of view. Imagine the scene. 150 pound teenager has been traveling the school for 5 hours, going from class to class. They have not showered since the day before or the morning. It is time for the last class of their day and as they turn the corner, they spy a little innocent blonde redhead. They charge for the room. It’s time for a hug. The skin cells fly from their sweaty bodies from the movement of the hug. The germs crawl from one surface to another. The victim cannot breathe because if she does, she will no longer being taking in air or oxygen, she will engulfing the organelles of another person. The tightening of the predator’s arms diminishes oxygen supply to the poor blonde redhead’s brain. To put it simply, a hug is the grossest and most unsanitary form of showing friendship.
Why can’t it be like the olden days, when people simply listened to the Golden Rule. NO PDA. When I was in Middle School, everyone hated the rule and thought it was crushing our early development as pre-teens. Yet in my mind, it was a form of protection. It was like having a body guard there who told you the entire time, “If they touch you or even try to lay their hands on you. They will pay.” And with that thought, I kept my head held high. It didn’t scar me as a middle schooler. It made me a strong, independent non-hugger. Today, I am not afraid to push someone who tries to hug me into the floor. I also make sure to let people know that a hug is not a thing to smile about. Sure sometimes you have to duck into corners and hide at family events, but it all pays off. While someone has bacteria climbing all over them, I am clean. Squeaky clean.
*I put this “s” here because it is grammatically incorrect and it makes me happy to be grammatically incorrect.
Not long ago, I used to be so much closer to my family. When I mean family, I’m not talking about my parents or siblings (I have none and this makes me proud). Instead, I’m talking about my cousins, my aunts, and even my grandparents. We used to do everything together and every time I would get the chance to hang out with them, I would stop everything else I was doing. I always had this certain “feeling” around them, one that can’t be replaced by just any friend at school.
Cousins, for one, are usually very easy to get a long with. Most of the time they’re parents are raised the same way as your parents, and therefore they understand where you are coming from. It’s also easy to hang out with them because we all know that parents (especially mothers) love to blab on and on to their sisters about their impressive lives. That of course left time for the young cousins to go on newfound adventures and claim territory throughout the region like little explorers and future dictators of the Western Hemisphere.
My fondest memories are going to the movies with my cousins on my father’s side, who lived a few hours away and would only come in to Springfield to see my uncle. We would see every movie in the book (har har) and go like every weekend to Springfield 8 or Campbell 16. Hollywood Theatres was non-existent and not yet corrupting the youth of America, and my cousins and I were glad to see the latest films and cartoons. With them I saw my first Harry Potter movie, with them I saw Piglet get lost in the Hundred Acre Woods, and with them I learned of a shark’s tale while on a trip with Will Smith.
There we would get popcorn, candy, slushies, and whatever else our hearts desired. One time my cousin and I even made a new creation that I will call Popcho. The satisfying combination of popcorn smothered in warm nacho cheese. It didn’t matter that you had to pay twice as much to enjoy this foreign delicacy. It was just part of the experience. Experiencing dip and dots when they first came to the movie theaters years ago, experiencing the rush of buying your own ticket for the first time, and experiencing the trailers, which gave you even more hope that you would again go to the theaters another day.
In today’s life, this rarely happens. Though I do go see movies, they don’t have the same impact. I make my silly commentary to my silly friends, but nothing is like sitting next to family and knowing you’ll get to play board games at your grandparents with them right after you get finished.